Dear 2018

Dear 2018,

You've been a year of ups and downs to say the least. You've given me some of the highest highs and lowest lows and I wouldn't change a thing about you. I've met so many goals this year that have helped me to grow but I've also been down difficult roads that led to growth. If I could describe you in one word, it would be 'valuable'. There were times where I sat alone in my room and cried endlessly because of the trials I was going through but now I can see the value in those tribulations. Twenty-Eighteen, you have taught me to trust God. The challenges you threw at me taught me to put my life in his hands. My faith has grown in ways I could have never estimated. The person I am today is such a change from the person I was a year ago. You've taught me to value myself and my beliefs. There were times where my self esteem was on the ground but I'm ending the year knowing my value. I've learnt that sometimes you have to go through life, to really value yourself and see how important your beliefs are to you. I stood my ground and saw what was important to me.

You taught me that hard-work pays off. That you should always put 100% into everything you do and that you'll be rewarded for it. You taught me how to let go. Let go of friendships that were no longer pushing me towards purpose and let go when my feelings got in the way because the relationship would never work out. You taught me to learn from others and their mistakes. Twenty-eighteen you have taught me to speak up when I feel alone and you've taught me that I never am. You've taught me that some people are mad but there's always a story behind it. You taught me to be straight up with guys, but they won't listen anyway. You've taught me that beauty can shine from the inside out.
You taught me the value of money. I got my first wage back in January 2018 and since then my views towards money have changed so much. From relying on my parents, to being financially independent, I've learnt that money really doesn't grow on trees (My parents' favourite thing to tell us as kids) and I've learnt how to make money stretch. Learning how to budget has been a life skill I had never really tried to obtain until you came along.

You came with so many adventures.

• I took a family trip to Barcelona back in February
• Had my first night out
• Went back to Florida in August 
• Traveled all over the UK for work. 
• Went to a few parties
• Went to a concert
• Went to a glow in the dark Zumba class which was so much fun
• Had numerous days out with my best friends that I'll never forget. I have so many amazing memories with some of the greatest people. 

This year has probably been the closest I have been to adulthood.

• Back in January I had a meeting at the bank BY MYSELF for the first time. That's probably not a big deal to some but it definitely was for an introvert who hated ordering food over the phone, let alone discussing important financial decisions in a professional office. 
• I moved out of my family home, which was a HUGE achievement. I learnt to look after myself and stay organised. Having your own space comes with so much responsibility. You have to cook for yourself, remember things your parents would usually remind you to do, clean up, make sure you don't sleep through all 200 alarms etc. 
• I voted for the very first time, which just screams adult to be honest. I turned 18 back in September 2017 but there wasn't any opportunities to vote until we had local elections in May of this year. 
• I also started university, which again just screams adult. I still can't believe I'm doing a degree....

There have been lots of proud moments this year.

• I got full marks in my EPQ Presentation (which ended up being pretty worthless in the end -long story, but I'm still proud of that). I'm not the most confident person when it comes to public speaking, so to get 100% was such a surprise. 
• I got an unconditional offer for my university as part of a 'high achievers scheme'. When I got the email, I literally burst into my mum's room in shock. I had to read it about 3 times because I thought it was a scam. I didn't quite understand how and why I was considered good enough for it. Even when I accepted the offer and was given my place, I didn't understand it.
• I graduated sixth form, finally. Those 2 years felt like 2 decades and I was so excited to finally be done. 
• I hit my first MAJOR milestone on this blog. I reached 10,000 hits and now I'm approaching 17,000 which is kind of insane. 
• I was able to save for my first designer bag. I honestly fall in love with it all over again whenever I wear it because I worked so hard to be able to get it. I had no plans to even get a bag but I knew that I wanted to push myself to make a splurge this year. I've always been money conscious and spend more on other people than myself, so I made a goal to treat myself. I'm so glad I did. You appreciate things so much more when you work for it. 

I made some goals for you back in December 2017. Let's see how I did: 

•  Grow Spiritually - I 100 per cent achieved this. I can't explain how much my faith has developed. God has blessed me in so many ways and I'm so grateful for the change that 2018 has brought. 

• Look After My Body - I can say that I've achieved this, although not to the extent I hoped. My fitness levels have been great as I started dancing again. The celibacy journey is still going well too (we thank God), however my eating habits did take a turn, which I aim to fix next year.  

•  (Repeated Goal) Be Organised - Moving out of my family home definitely pushed me to be more organised. I kind of had no choice but to step up when it came to organisation. I still forget things and leave tasks until the last minute sometimes though so there's definitely room for improvement.
• Form Strong Friendships - I challenged myself to do this as I have always loved my own company. I am happy to eat at McDonald's alone, shop alone and chill alone. I wanted to push myself to make a conscious effort to make strong friendships. I would say I achieved half of this goal. Although I did meet LOTS of new people and made friendships in 2018, they're yet to be 'strong'. I'm sure that will change next year though. 

• Learn To Handle Stress - I made this particular goal because after doing my GCSEs and AS levels, I was able to see that I put myself under a lot of stress and had a lot of social anxiety. I of course wanted to change that. Unfortunately I still deal with anxiety, HOWEVER I have succeeded with being able to handle it. I have learnt how to minimize it and also prevent it in certain situations. 
• Read More- I definitely succeeded with this one. For the first half of the year, I read at least 1 book per month. Towards the end (when I started uni), I had less time to read so didn't read many books however I had one ongoing, which I am yet to finish. My favourite was probably 'What Alice Forgot' by Liane Moriarty. 

• Take More Pictures (I Remember The Memories But I Forget To Capture Them)- I definitely failed this. I don't know what it is, but I just can't seem to remember! I never fail to write my memories down though, so I guess that's my way of keeping memories. 

• Learn To Look After Myself In Every Aspect - Completed it. I'm so much more independent 

•  Learn how to properly budget and finance - I could definitely do better around the spending department but I've been pretty reasonable considering it was my first year of financial independence. My mum always said when I earned my own money, I could buy whatever (legal and reasonable of course), so I'm proud of myself for not going overboard. Also, thank God for student discounts. 
• Help As Many People As I Can- It's funny because I did this without even being aware. Recently I've received a fair amount of lovely messages from people saying how much my blog has helped them or just my personality in general. A couple people have said that I have a really positive and kind nature, which makes them want to be more loving themselves or just makes them feel better when they're in a bad mood. To me that is one of the best feelings and words to hear. 

So, 2018 I just want to say THANK YOU. Thank you for it all. The smiles, the tears, frustration, excitement and laughter. Every emotion felt on this roller-coaster has led me to greater. As I leave you behind, I will never forget.

Love, Rochelle. 

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